a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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