UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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