Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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