Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
