At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
