If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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