guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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