i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
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about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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