Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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