Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Randomize
