so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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