dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
