someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
