I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
