Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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