remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
