I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
