is your mom at the bar?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
