I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
