I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he had hair everywhere except his balls
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize