If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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