So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am midnight drunk by noon
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
