and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
