Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
