and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think I just sharted jello shots
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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