I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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