I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
