when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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