i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
