I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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