God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
