Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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