I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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