Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
