Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
