On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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