I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Randomize
