sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
