We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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