there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
