Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize