There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
