I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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