I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
