So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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