Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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