Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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