Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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