chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
