My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
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And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
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I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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