You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
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After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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