i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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