How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
