My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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