They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
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I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
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Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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