a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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