get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
