R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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