You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
