i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
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You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.