Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
