Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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