ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
