Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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