Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh god it's open bar.
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