You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
