This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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